If the mother/ daughter dynamic in cinema is the strain between the genders, the conflict in the father/daughter dynamic tugs on the essence of growing up and womanhood. Not that I totally buy into such psychology, after all Freud would have us all believe we hate one parent in favour of another form a young age, a wee hang-up he himself only projected onto everyone else. What’s a dad to do? Sometimes the role goes beyond more than just Father of the Bride. In fact, I have beef with the whole idea. Hands-off parenting whilst still wielding some sort of ownership over the daughter? No thanks.
Thinking about this list was tough. Mostly because I was confident for a time I could come up with loads of movies. However, upon deep thought and months of faffing, I discovered that it’s sorely missing across the board. What are the filmmakers shying away from? How often is the dad left as sort of an extra set piece whilst mother and daughter bond or more often face off against one another? Maybe it because the deeper and more interesting bond is of that between mother and child; just saying. Well when they get it right, fathers and daughters can prove to be a tricky pair on screen. I’m gonna try and find some interesting entries.
I’m so late with this post, this list and all in between. So much so that I suspect I’ve been beaten to this article already. Serving as a companion to my complex mother/daughter on screen, I’ve considered screen-time, importance to plot but also how much we get from the character. Let's check out someof my film recommends!
Honourable mentions:
Paper Moon (Bogdanovich, 1973)
On Golden Pond (Rydell, 1981)
My Girl (Zieff, 1991)
Crooklyn (Lee, 1994)
Prisoners (Villeneuve, 2013)
15. Pretty in Pink (Dir. Howard Deutch, 1986)
Molly Ringwald was a tour-de-force in the eighties and helmed many an unforgettable coming-of-age. Pretty in Pink is one of them. Penned by John Hughes, and directed by Howard Deutch, people have mixed opinions on this classic. The dress is ugly. Andie is obnoxious. The ideal outcome is singledom (Steff has me wrapped around his finger). But it’s half my personality. The ending still gets me buzzing. It has an unexpected subplot that I believe offers Andie (Molly Ringwald) a certain vulnerability that arguably frames her in a more sympathetic light. She’s supporting her dad.
Though it’s not the main focus of the story, there is a beautiful heart to this story that often gets overlooked. A down-on-his-luck father struggling to drag himself out of the depression he has spiralled into since his wife left him and his daughter, is an odd little side plot for a teen rom-com, but it works. Harry Dean Stanton brings a deep humanity to the role; there’s no doubt he loves his daughter, but he has shut down and therefore left her behind as a consequence. The themes of economy and class is prevalent in the story, and though it’s not about getting out of the ‘pits’, there is a sense of coming together. Some of the best scenes in Pretty in Pink are the interactions between Stanton and Ringwald and maybe the most touching too.
14. Dirty Dancing (Dir. Emile Ardolino, 1987)
‘But it’s about dancing… dirtily? How can it be that good?’ said someone, somewhere, at one time who didn’t understand the legacy of a true feminist classic. Does the music time travel two decades on a whim? Sure thing! Does Patrick Swayze twirl and wrassle in the sluttiest outfits a man can wear? A-ha! Lastly, does Baby prove to be the strong girly of the female gaze, leading the way for coming of age dramas in which young women are allowed to take the reins of their own sexuality whilst staying nerdy and true to themselves all in the name of dance? Duh! And we fans love every minute of it.
At its core, we have a deftly balanced conflict between father and daughter. Unlike many on this list, despite the name of’ baby’ infantilizing her in the eyes of her family, the real tension rises from the strong character. Dancing and falling in love are not expected for Frances ‘Baby’ Houseman. Whilst her older sister is more preoccupied by this, she prefers education and humanitarianism. Her father wants just that for her; a well-educated and well-travelled young woman, strong and compassionate. All things she is for sure. (However he does drive her towards a rich a boy whose hella condescending kid - what was that about?) But Johnny Castle poses a threat; passionate, low-born and hip-shakingly exotic he introduces Baby to the world of intuitive, skilled dancing. Working class for the win! The confrontation between Baby and Dr Houseman is always biting and deeply moving and I feel offers the emotional weight and complex layer to an all-round masterful romance.
13. American Beauty (Dir. Sam Mendes, 1999)
Of late I’ve heard this film be written off for two reasons: the obvious one and the plot. A middle aged man lusting after his daughter’s friend during a mid-life crisis can feel rather unpalatable. But I don’t remember that takeaway when I saw (and eventually revisited over and over again). In fact I re-watched American Beauty for the first time in years not all that long ago, after all that came out about Kevin Spacey and his abominable crimes. Hindsight is a mighty thing. We can never condone the monstrous acts of a once adored star and those comfortable enough to separate art and the artists can venture forth. Firstly there was something in the story I deeply craved; the setting, the cast, the palette, the score. Secondly, I wanted to see if it held up.
It does. Sam Mendes direction is lush as ever. The script by Alan Ball is tight. Annette Bening is divine as the neurotic wife; Mena Suvari and Thora Birch capture the complex friendship of teens. Allsion Janney and Chris Cooper inhabit the most unsettling of the suburban community behind closed doors. There are moments that feel a little cheesy, but American Beauty is brutal and uncomfortable and funny and touching. There’s a reason it had a chokehold on film lovers in turn of the century. And Kevin Spacey was great in this role. Lester is still complex as a salary man unravelling before his families eyes; or is he just coming to terms with time. The core of the film is very much his relationship to his family. Beyond his wife, the last moments of the film focus on his daughter, what he thinks of her, whether she is happy. His ‘crush’ is the very thing marring his judgement and causes more of a rift between him and his daughter. It explores something uncomfortable but I would argue neither condones nor glorifies. Would this get made today? Probably not, but it still has a lot to say and offers a lot in the twenty-five years since its release.
12. Train to Busan (Dir. Yeon Sang-Ho, 2016)
A good genre film should still be something more at its centre, something needs to raise the stakes and get us invested. Horror is a challenge and it’s been engulfed by spectacle and voyeurism and half-baked ideas that, over time, have limited the genre. Lesser films shoehorn emotional counterweight without doing any of the leg work. They aren’t invested in their emotional core so the audience aren’t either. Train to Busan is pure entertainment and it was a major success. It was a new take on the zombie it had Gong Yoo (my reason) and it had a heart.
At the centre is a father and daughter forced to endure the zombie apocalypse. All the while their relationship is strained. He’s the absent father preoccupied with work, she’s a little girl forced to spend time with him but who she can no longer trust. Oh jeez and then they’re all trapped in the train, moving up the carts as the stakes get higher… hellish. But it successfully brought a tear to my eye so.
11. Ponyo (Dir. Hayao Miyazaki, 2008)
Little Ponyo is a pest. A lovely little pest that wrought her father’s nerves. The whole plot is his attempts to wrangle her back home to her multitude of sisters as her time on land completely upends the sea and shore, shifting nature out of balance. What a menace. I love her.
It’s reductive to say that Ponyo is Studio Ghibli’s take on The Little Mermaid, no matter what the critics said. Very much its own beast; spiritualism are deeply infused within the narrative, it’s a far more a climate conscious folk tale. But it’s also funny and a little weird and exciting with a sweeping score from Joe Hisaishi that swells with each beautiful cell of animation.
10. Gifted (Dir. Marc Webb, 2017)
When Chris Evans gets the right project, he can slay. He had a marvellous decade of interesting films as he was creeping into his Marvel-making role all the while establishing himself as an actor. His mid-budget and indie films are a delight to rummage through. I highly recommend Injustice (2011) and Fierce People (2005). Plus there’s a couple of cosy romances and rom-coms to peruse from the early 2010s that are actually quite refreshing in retrospect like What’s Your Number (2010) and Before We Go (2014). And let’s not forget Not Another Teen Movie (2001). What I’m saying is Evans had some great films and I was big fan.
Gifted is high up on my list of Evans recommends. Evans leads a fractured family unconventionally taken care of his self-sufficient niece who is remarkably intelligent for her age. She is scouted at school and soon labelled ‘gifted’ but the past threatens to rear its ugly head and the family must decide what would be best for her future. Yeah it’s not wholly original and a little mushy in places but it’s sweet and gently funny. Full of heart I would say, made all the more so with a strong cast including Jenny Slate and Octavia Spencer. It’s engaging from start to end. But Evans chemistry alongside onscreen niece Mckenna Grace ties the films together.
9. The Little Mermaid (Dir. Ron Clements & John Musker, 1989)
Nothing enrages me more than the write-off of this story and plenty of the Disney princess’s overall.* The nineties served them well. The Little Mermaid has so much more going on for it than her giving up her voice for some guy. Ariel wanted to be on land before she saw Eric. She went to witch because of her father. The last words are ‘I love you daddy’. Therefore, this is a love story second and first and foremost a coming of age in which a daughter finds her own way and a father learns to let his girl grow up. Oh jeez, and sometimes that means losing them. I’m not crying…
The film is spectacular; the Disney Renaissance was arguably the greatest thing in western animation only matched by Wallace and Gromit. Howard Ashman and Alan Menken understood the core to the story was finding ones voice and carving ones path. Their score and songs still resonate now. That reprise gives me chills. Jodi Benson was a diamond. It’s a beautiful depiction of familial struggle.
*Now, I love Mulan but she has papa issues too but you don’t see the same beef just because she’s a warrior so the same criticism does not apply. Ariel is naïve but she’s smart and savvy and curious. The deal she made follows a spat, it may be legally binding but let’s not pretend she wasn’t taken advantage of guys. Let’s give Ariel a little grace. Plus she had pipes to envy for sure… I could go on.
8. Eighth Grade (Dir. Bo Burnham, 2018)
Perhaps one of the most honest and harrowing depictions of modern teenagerdom, it also has a touching and realistic relationship between father and daughter. Kayla’s (Elsie Fisher) only fourteen: she muddles through middle school awkwardness, obscurity on her meek YouTube channel and shyness as she tries to find her place in the world. The pressures around her are heightened by a digital world she is growing up with.
Bo Burnham gets it. I suppose he didn’t need to be a teenage girl to get it either. He did garner fame utilising the internet for his own comedy, with some iconic Vines of his own. Fisher had a hand in shaping the character of Kayla and brings a genuineness missing from most teen films. This translates in the strained relationship between Kayla and her single father. It doesn’t give the impression as previous attempts have in which he’s learning to be a parent in the absence of the mother; rather he has always been a good parent with the challenge of connecting with his child as she is consumed by hormones, peer-pressure and her online world. She’s frustrated, private and guarded with him yet can post to the void of the internet, she’s lacking guidance yet unwilling to connect with her loving father. It’s not exceedingly dramatic but it’s always engaging.
7. To Kill a Mockingbird (Dir. Robert Mulligan, 1962)
It does deserve to be higher but it’s also one of the most obvious. So I’m slapping it at seven. But come on. What do I really need to say? Atticus Finch is the best father because he’s wise, flawed and compassionate. He’s ruined my expectations in general. But it is how he manages his children within the turmoil of hate and suspicion in racist rural America that has cemented his legacy. We all need an Atticus Finch guiding us on our way. The man put his life on the line for the dignity of an innocent black man on trial. Taught his kids tolerance, nurtured their curiosity and creativity. Great.
6. Leave No Trace (Dir. Debra Granik, 2018)
Power dynamics or role-reversal can be so interesting when exploring the relationship of father and daughters in film. This is handles deftly in Granik’s film, Leave No Trace. Exploring themes of trauma, a father with PTSD raises his daughter in the forests of a national park. Eventually they are caught by the police and forced to live within civilisation but as his daughter begins to adjust he begins to spiral. The film is as much a commentary of the U.S social care system, the lack of attention towards mental health conditions and the neglect of Veterans.
His daughter is gifted, despite lacking formal education but she is held back by the desire to look after her fragile father. Meanwhile he projects his psychological state onto her. It’s often understated the true developmental harm of the parentified child. Often it’s cycle hard to break and hard to perceive by either parties; sometimes the parent does not know they are harming their child when they want to protect. Meanwhile, the child wants to protect the parent and their world perceived as coddling.
5. Poor Things (Dir. Yorgos Lanthimos, 2023)
A word on the director, I was late to the game. Then I rinsed three in one day and I was converted. You have to be on board. His perfectly awkward dialogue, his bizarre characters feel somehow sincere and genuine, not too far from a Lynchian creation. Far from weird for the sake of it.
That’s why Poor Things works, I think. It’s surprisingly sincere. Controversial it is, but entertaining it is… more. Funny and ridiculous, my first viewing of this was a delight. But what stood out to me the most was the strange father-daughter relationship between Dafoe’s mad scientist and Emma Stone’s Frankenstein-esque creation Bella. Setting his creation free on the world, he never stops fretting about her and together they discover a harmony perfect in any Lanthimos universe.
4. Late Spring (Dir. Yasujirō Ozu, 1949)
Grounded, humble and heart-breaking; everything about is seems so simple. But no one, bar Hirokazu Kore-eda I suppose, can do it like Ozu. It’s one of the first and few films that came to mind when I conjured this list (months ago… thanks procrastination, botched organisation and anxiety). There are beautiful and understated performances from Chishû Ryû and Setsuko Hara as father and daughter comfortable in there every day routine. All she wishes is to take care of her him. However pressure from friends encourages the woman, who has turned twenty-seven, to settle down and marry.
That farewell scene. Oh my bleeding heart. It says it all. Ozu was the master of bittersweet. The static frames and the fixed frames, each character in their spot divided and distant and not saying what they want. Both too noble.
3. Eat Drink Man Woman (Dir. Ang Lee, 1994)
Emerging from the Taiwanese New Wave, Ang Lee is a filmmaker of immense diversity but his early works are strike just the right nerve. I loved Eat Drink Man Woman the most of them upon first viewing and found something of myself in the three daughters. Middle daughter and the friction between her and her father despite their similarities is something I too could relate to. However, it was after watching Accented Cinemas video essay Eat Drink Man Woman: What is a Chinese Family (2011) that I gained a deeper appreciation for the work. The generational gap at odds with the fast western ideology in the east.
The routine of the father sitting his children down to a silent, strained dinner every Saturday is an attempt to hold onto tradition, with strict rules in place. The image of family sitting down to eat should be warm and delightful. The tension arises with the push of old and new, of the progressive young women at odds with their father who will not even allow them to cook with them. One confesses pregnancy, another Christian marriage. Middle daughter wanted to pursue a career like her father, who is a semi-retired chef, but he pushed her for more and so she works in the corporate world. Accented Cinema enlightened me to the idea of above the table and below the table, what should and shouldn’t be shared: the Eat Drink vs Man Woman. Sexuality is forbidden at the table. These girls, in their modernity, break these norms.
2. Toni Erdmann (Dir. Maren Ade, 2016)
One of the weirder on this list, definitely one of the longest but masterful in execution, Toni Erdmann is a gem of a film. An estranged father and daughter - one a deadbeat prankster, the other an uptight working woman - are forced into proximity when he takes on an alter-ego and situates himself into every aspect of her life in Romania. The humour is absurd, incredibly dead pan with an extra German edge.
Somehow, it’s also touching. The minutes fly by as we begin to see a relationship mend with the help of new identities. Sandra Hüller is brilliant in this, playing it straight against the ridiculous whilst capturing the deeper pain that comes with familial divides; her karaoke scene is a delight.
1. Aftersun (Dir. Charlotte Wells, 2022)
Does one ever truly recover from Aftersun? I didn’t. Charlotte Wells semi-autobiographical coming of age is a haunting film that lingers long after the final scene, Aftersun explores one of the most touching father-daughter relationship. A moment in time looked back on by the adult Sophie, she reflects on the last times she spent with her troubled father. He takes her abroad, spends money he does not have. Through the lens of child’s eye she pieces together fragments of those days, picks apart little moments searching for clues and opportunities; he’s accident prone, boyish and fun but he’s not like other dads, younger than most. Her parents aren’t together and often she struggles to get in contact with him most days. But this trip proves their bond.
I didn’t cry when I first saw it. If anything, that may have been because it was so close to home. I shut down. But I couldn’t forget it. Scenes that play out on screen I could recall in my own memory re-contextualise so much of my own life. The use of analogue technology creates this organic physicality whilst creating a barrier between Sophie and her dad. A video camera, pointing at a mirror and reflecting a subject from afar creates this other place we can never quite get to. Paul Mescal was a dream in this and his chemistry with Frankie Corio is sublime; the acclaim is well deserved. A story handling the perception of past and present, how your adult self perceives the younger you, the wish for things to be different. A young woman wishing her young self could save her dad.
Right, there you go. Maybe the next article will be sooner. I hope you all find a new favourite film or rediscover something wonderful!
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